After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
