in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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