Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
