How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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