I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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