Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize