What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
