i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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