Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
