I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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