Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
