I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
