You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
