woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
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