I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
