you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
