Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
