I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
