Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
