hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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