She is in my trunk
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
