I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
