I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
