38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
