I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
