When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
