We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
someone owes me an orgasm
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We have started to decorate penises.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
