It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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