woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
50% drunk capacity currently
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
