Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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