Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
