Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
