i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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