now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
