Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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