Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
