good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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