Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
