You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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