i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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