David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
