if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
