We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
