"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Randomize
