Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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