and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
