Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
