I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
