Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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