i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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