Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
