i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
