i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Green mimosas i think yes
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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