Your face is a jimmy john
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
