Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
