So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
