I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
