I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
