I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
