How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
