If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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