You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
