i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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