my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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