Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
