Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
