theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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