We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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